Secret DC Summer!: Nine Secluded Spots for Crying About a Supreme Court Decision

Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens 

You’ve been hearing it’s beautiful forever, so why not use this as a reason to go? Your tears can be your own protected wetland.

The Albert Einstein Statue on Constitution 

Get really high and let yourself be cradled in his strong arms. Science still matters here. 

Outside Susan Collins’s Office

She won’t do anything about it, but rest assured: she’s deeply concerned.

Jazz in the Sculpture Garden

If you won the lottery, you may as well still go. But you know splitting another pitcher of sangria is going to bring on the waterworks.

John Roberts’s House

A single person bawling on a suburban sidewalk is probably more disconcerting than a coordinated protest, tbh. 

Malcolm X/Meridian Hill Park, Opposite the Josephine Butler Parks Center

The JBPC is consistently one of DC’s top wedding venues, so maybe you’ll sneak a peek at someone’s special day. Just don’t think too hard about how amazing your grandkids will consider it that you witnessed a same-sex marriage!

Tiki TNT at the Wharf

If they don’t let you have that student debt relief, this is technically the closest you’re coming to a tropical vacation until you’re 60. Enjoy!

Gravelly Point 

Lie down and watch the planes float above you. If you see a private aircraft taking off, it’s probably Harlan Crow’s. He’s taking Clarence Thomas out for a week of hunting low-wage workers for sport. Take this opportunity to flip Thomas off while there are no secret police to get you arrested for that. 

At Home, Swiping Through Tinder

You’ve got three years left, tops, of being able to use any birth control. Fight through those tears and make it count!