Missed Connection: You Turned Me Down, So I’m Asking You Out Again on Popville

You know who you are. The gorgeous woman of my dreams who just happened to pass by the dive bar I frequent for its cheap, greasy food NOT because I’m an alcoholic.

And I know you know who I am. The mid-40s (but could totally pass for late-30s) gentleman wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt – ironically. 

I said hi, you said hey, the dance began. A few moments of repartee, our wits matched perfectly, like you were reading my mind. Yes, this weather IS hot! Yeah, this bar IS pretty good, I guess! It’s like our thoughts were metaphysically synchronized!

But then, when I asked if you’d like to go out some time, you coyly said no, you had to go to pick up your “boyfriend”. 

I know that “boyfriend” doesn’t exist, it was just a pretense for me to ramp up my pursuit. And with all the detailed personal information you shared – you live in the neighborhood and you … um, have lived here a while – well, you might as well have been Cinderella, dropping your glass slipper for me to find you later.

If Romeo didn’t know where in DC he could find Juliet’s balcony, what would he do? That’s right… Despite your clear desire to never see me again, I anonymously calling out to you via the public square of the Popville Missed Connections. 

I know you’ll see this.

Ed. Note: If this is you, please email cherryswampdc@gmail.com so I can put you in touch with a qualified therapist.