Booster Rollout Foils AdMo Woman’s Plan to Avoid Family Over Holidays
Issue No. 65
Booster Rollout Foils AdMo Woman’s Plan to Avoid Family Over Holidays
Your Ancestors Didn't Survive Colonization Just So Caitlin From Accounting Could Whitesplain Dia De Los Muertos To You
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Unrecognizable! Archival Photo Unearthed Showing What 14th Street Looked Like Way Back in 2018
Thomas the Tank Engine Comes Out of Retirement to Assist with Metro Shortage
Muslim South Asian Woman Wished Happy Diwali for the 17th Time
Facebook's New Name "Meta" Greek for "Fall of Democracy"
Millennial Taking All of November to Recover Emotionally and Physically from Halloweekend
Last weekend, hundreds of people took over the streets of DC to enjoy a fun-filled Halloween celebration. Alexis Dell, a 34-year-old millennial from Columbia Heights, was one of them. Now Alexis will need to take all November to recover emotionally and physically from partying too hard.
“In my twenties I used to go out and dance all night long, but not anymore,” said Alexis while laying down on their Queen size bed and drinking an oat milk latte. “My friends and I went to three different bars. Three!!!! That’s too wild. I’m not leaving my bed for the rest of November.”
“I used to be super social at bars, but not anymore” said Alexis while putting some Thermacare heatwraps on their lower back. “I talked to so many random people over the weekend, and the amount of social anxiety I experienced on Sunday was unreal. I don’t want to talk to a single person for the rest of November.”
“I invited Alexis to go out on Halloween like we used to do back in the days,” said their friend Amanda Norman. “Alexis was on the fence but once I told them that the bar was going to play old songs from Lady Gaga and Fall Out Boy, they immediately said yes.”
At the time of publication, Alexis only orders takeout food and is rewatching Parks and Rec for the eleventh time.
