Arlington Woman Excited About Staring At Her Phone For Hours Outside Rather Than Staring At Her Phone For Hours Inside

In the brief moments when her head was upright and not staring at her phone, Arlington woman Bridget Costello shared with reporters this week she was so happy to finally be getting outside and off the couch after staring at my phone all winter, despite spending the majority of her time outdoors also staring at her phone. “It was getting really bad. I was so addicted to Tik Tok I couldn’t get any of the popular audios out of my head,” said Costello, as Telepatía by Kali Ulchis and Say So by Doja Cat played over the bluetooth speaker placed on her blanket. “This winter, I could only experience nature through the screen of my phone from someone halfway across the world -- I’m so glad I am outside here now so I can see and hear it for myself, unfiltered,” she added, while simultaneously nose-deep in editing her flat-lay story post of her picnic basket contents. At press time, Costello had packed her belongings and returned home to her couch due to reported allergies, the symptoms of which happen to match screen-time-induced eye strain and headaches.